Friendship

A dear and wonderful friend just wrote about people who come in and out of our lives. She quoted a poem about friendship...Reasons, Seasons and Lifetimes. I spent a last minute night out with a long time friend...one from my elementary school days. And I realized how important it is to spend time with your friends when your life is at a turning point. She told me about a favorite song of hers...not really my style of song (I admit, I'm really not a country gal) but I gave the song a listen and I cried. The main lyric of the song is, "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you." And although the song is about finding your true love, this is the same way I feel about friendships...especially my dearest girlfriends (and a special guy who falls into the category of "girlfriends"). something in this great universe brought us together, into each other's lives. There have been people who have come into my life...some for just a short time like college or previous jobs, but there are others who have been in my life through the happy and blessed times...the sad and toughest times. And the true friends have always been there for me, even when the road of life was at it's crappiest. And yes, some of these friends are far away, cities and states away...and some are just a few blocks away. Some I've known for decades, and some for only a few years. Some I see every week, others only every few years (if we're so lucky). Some I only "see" on-line. But they are all dear to my heart and mean the world to me. I have depended on them for laughs, a shoulder to cry on, words of advice and even words of discouragement. A favorite quote of mine is, "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." I'm proud to say that I have some "real" friends...they are the ones I love and depend on most in the world. Thank you, to all my real friends :)

Parenting

As I sat in the waiting room for hours at the hospital today, I got to observe different parenting skills and was amazed at the array of styles/techniques. I was sitting next to a family who had a young female getting reconstructive surgery on her jaw. She was apparently having her mouth wired shut for several weeks while the bones healed. The father of the young lady was joking around with his son-in-law, "I guess it's gonna be a quiet few months for luck you, huh?" to which the son-in-law responded, "Yeah...and maybe she'll lose a few while her mounth is wired shut!" It made me chuckle as I thought of what a wonderful, sick and twisted family this was. If my dad were still alive, would he be cracking jokes at my expense to my husband? Maybe....Probably...Most definately! Then I observed 2 young boys running around like they owned the place. A nurse kindly asked them to quiet down and stop running. The boys looked at her and said, "No. You're not my mom. I don't have to listen to you." I was shocked...the parents just sat there, focused on their cell phone and iPad, oblivious to the rest of the world. Never would I have thought to talk back to an adult in that manner when I was young. I saw one little girl, about 6 years old playing with a magazine. The girl ripped a page and defiantly smiled at her mom. All the mother had to do was say, "Alissa, NO." The girl stopped and sat quietly next to her mom for the next hour until they were called in. When I was the girls age, all it took was a certain tone from my mom or a slight look from my dad and I knew to stop. I enjoy people watching and love to see the interactions of family members. You can make assumptions of what's going on in their lives, but you can always tell which parents are truly doing a great job in handling their kids, whether it involves a pat on the butt or an actual conversation with the child. I don't believe in the time outs, the counting from 1, 2, 3...actions have to be caught during the process and the child needs to understand right from wrong before they are punished for something. Recently I was out with my mom and we were both appalled at how children were behaving at a restaurant. I told my mom, "It's a good thing Mark and I don't have kids because I've found I have very little tolerance for that kind of behaviour." My mom looked at me, smiled and said, "Well, YOUR kids wouldn't dare behave like THAT." It made me smile...my mom and dad did a great job raising us. We very rarely were spanked, because we knew better than to push the limits and we knew there was a possibility of being spanked! I admire my friends and anyone who is raising a kid or kids. It's not easy, no one teaches you how to do it and it's a never ending job. Do I hope to one day become a parent? I think yes, but only time will tell if that happens. For now, I love kids but mostly because they're not mine!

Playtime

Today was a good day...I know there will be less of them in the near future, as Mark and I approach chemo treatments, round two. We "took the day off" and headed over to the Santa Anita mall to Dave and Buster's. Treated ourselves to Hawaiian bread sliders, sweet potato fries and chicken Caesar salad...plus game tokens. We played our favorite games, cashed in over 6000 tickets and walked the mall a bit for a little shopping. This is probably the most fun we've had in a while. Not that we "forgot" how to have fun, but it's been a struggle to find the lighter side of things the last month or so. And it was just what we both needed to re-energize and get ready for what will be a tough few months. We start off this Friday with the implant of a port for chemo treatments, which start next week. And of course the timing is just after our insurance rates went up and we get to pay 2 1/2 what our hospitalization and office visit co-pays used to be...Murphy's law at work. But we are both hopeful things will go smoothly and we can get the results the doctors need so we can tackle this disease. And finding playtime today was an important stress relief...to just forget our troubles for a brief moment and remember what it's like to be free of worries and full of hope. It was a little 4 hour vacation from the "real world". I suggest everyone take one once in a while. Life is full of joy and fun if you go out and look for them. Don't forget to get out there and play! :)

Getaway

I just got back from a last minute/spur of the moment get away to the Bay. It was so lovely, the weather was cool and foggy...just what I needed to clear my mind and refocus. And although I always have my worries at the back of my mind, the best medicine for a stressed mind and soul is physically removing yourself from your day to day environment and focusing on yourself...be it a few hours or several days. I made an escape to friends (who thankfully were willing and able to host me at last moments notice) and fed my tummy wonderful Thai, Italian, Mexican home cooking and sushi galore, tasty homemade margaritas and glasses of wine. I fed my senses by going out movie watching (including The Change Up which is hilarious by the way and a few older favorites on the teley) AND fed my imagination by going to a little fetish store and browsing...there are things out there for sale that I have no idea what or how they are used! But the best part was feeding my soul...spending a couple hours alone just being at peace in the world...no internet, no tv, no errands to run, meals to cook, no doctor appointments, no cat thumping my head while I try to sleep because she wants treats...it was bliss. And I learned that I am a strong woman...I can fight the battles that life throws my way. I may not win them all, but I can fight them. I learned that it's not about how you look on the outside, but how you feel on the inside that people will see (and love). And something a wonderful instructor/friend taught me a long time ago has been "re-learned" in recent months..."You cannot always change the things and people around you, but you CAN change how YOU react and deal with them."

Ecotherapy

To anyone who is looking for an outlet for stress relief, might I suggest planting/gardening? Doesn't have to be anything big, just something to watch develop, grow and care for. My mom and grandfather started us off when we were young, planting flowers every year and veggie seeds. It was a thrill as kids to pick carrots out of the ground. I remember getting yelled out for partially pulling one out that wasn't quite ready and trying to stuff it back in the ground. Grandpa would find a wilted carrot top hours later and lecture me on patience and letting things be until they're ready. A valuable life lesson indeed! And I loved picking flowers for my mom or to set at the altar of my deceased grandfather who I never knew. It was a special bonding experience. Just a few moments a day it might take to water your "crop" will provide an escape without leaving your yard. I love turning on the iPod to some great tunes (lately it's been Adele, One eskimO and some classic Guns and Roses) and wandering around the yard to see what's ripened, grown or in some cases began to die. There is a sense of great accomplishment when I set food out on the table that includes homegrown vegetables, herbs or fruit. If we had the space, I would love to have chickens for fresh daily eggs. So, whether it is a cactus, roses, veggies, fruit or decorative vine, get out there and grow something. It's well worth the time and effort :)

Life lessons.

There are so many things to learn about life. Right now I'm learning to have patience....with my self, my loved ones and just life in general. I am dealing with the diagnosis of my spouse's recurrent cancer. It has not been good for me the last few weeks. A wonderful evening out to dinner was dramatically cut short by a phone call from the doctor. And although I like to think I've prepared myself for the worst, seeing images on a computer screen and having "cancer" pointed out by a doctor on those images really makes things hit home. It's been the roughest 2 years of my life, but I know I've grown from the entire experience. I'm learning how short life really is, whether you live to be 20 or 100. And you really have to make the most of it, as much as you can. If that means having that second glass of wine, the extra large scoop of ice cream or french fries, spending an extra hour out shopping to find peace of mind....you gotta be selfish sometimes and do what you need to do to cope with life. At the same time, I'm learning to deal with a 97 year old grandmother who isn't the angel people seem to think she is. Bitterness is hard to swallow, but apparently it is easy to spit at others :( I have learned that it is so true that you cannot "teach an old dog new tricks". It is so true with people too. I have found peace in my heart that life throws things at you for a reason...if my dad hadn't died when I was young, I never would have found my passion for helping people in the funeral business OR met my husband in the field. If I hadn't been laid off from work years ago, I never would have discovered how strong I can be and adapt to new surroundings. And with the diagnosis of cancer so close to me? I am learning a little everyday about love, devotion and compassion.