2011

The holidays are over and like those that have passed, it was full of drama, cheer, family and friends, and of course too much food! It's been a year full of surprises, disappointment and everything in between and now it is time to sit back and think about what this past year has meant to me. What I have learned most from 2011 is to cherish the little things in life and most of all, cherish the ones I love and hold dear to my heart. I have learned to try to laugh and make someone laugh everyday. To see a smile on my husband's face is something I live for these days. The struggles of coping with cancer, chemotherapy and all the side effects and crap that go along with it have made it a difficult year and those smiles seem to come too far apart from each other sometimes. I make it a habit to take a deep breath before I yell or argue, because sometimes you just have to let things slide. it's not worth the emotional stress to let someone else's "problems" become one of my own. And I have learned that when someone is truly meant to be in your life, it doesn't matter how many years or miles may go between you, they will always find a way back. I've been lucky enough to reconnect with some very special people in my life. My goals for 2012 include finding time to travel and explore the world...doesn't have to be anywhere exotic and or far...just a quick drive or flight to see someplace new and escape the mundane "everyday-ness" of our lives. I hope to find time to be good to myself and remember to love myself more. I hope to live by the mantra, "You can't change people, but you can change how you react to the", like walking away from situations and letting go of the people we no longer want or need in our lives. It seems harsh, but when you are trying to cherish everyday, you learn that negative people and things have no place in your life because it is too precious and short to waste. I am on a mission to work on my crafts more...crocheting, making cards, holiday ornaments/gifts...and gardening too. Sometimes you have to take time out of the life you live for others and make it just for you.

40 years...

I will be turning 40 in a few days and I've been doing a lot of thinking about it. There are so many people, especially women, who freak out and stress about the "Big 4-0". But to me, it's just a number...actually two little numbers. And though for some, it is a depressing number, to me it's no big deal. I've had a lot happen in my 40 years of life...good stuff, bad stuff. Things most people will probably never have to go through and other things a lot of people are or will be going through. So, I've compiled a list of things that have made my 40 years of life significant. Here goes...I was born a minute before midnight on December 5, 1971. My mom was asked by her doctor if he should "Leave her in or take her out?" because it would make a difference on the birth certificate. She decided, "Take her out!" I ran away from home by the age of 2...I managed to "sneak" past my sleeping father, go out the front door and walk/waddle down the block a whole house away, where my mom found me, crying and possibly eating a snail (that was never confirmed, but there is strong evidence I did it). By the time I graduated high school, I had smoked a cigarette (regular, not a joint), drank alcohol and lost my virginity. I'm proud to say that to this day, I am still in touch with him and have the honor of calling him my dear friend. By the age of 19 I watched my pop die from a massive heart attack. I had to make the call to 911 and attempt CPR, but it was too late. That event haunts me to this day and the loving care we received from our funeral director is the reason I got into the field. I had an eerily accurate reading by a psychic, who predicted when I would meet my husband, what he did for a living and where we would live. My husband used to bring me dead bodies...and we got married in a mortuary chapel at Rose Hills Memorial Park. In a 5 year span, I lost my maternal grandmother, grand uncle, paternal aunt, grand aunt and grandfather, another dear friend and my loving cocker spaniel. I've had both a pregnancy scare and a pregnancy disappointment in my life. I've never had a broken bone or been hospitalized except for carpal tunnel syndrome surgery. I've managed to stay in touch with many of my junior high and high school friends, especially since the "miracle" of Facebook. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue (yes, I consider that a significant thing!). So, with the "Big 4-0" creeping around the corner, I feel like I have lots to be thankful for and to look forward to for the future. I physically feel better than I have in years (thanks to Curves and my instructor Kathy). I feel better about myself than I have in years too. I have a loving husband, who loves me for who I am and makes me laugh every day despite the battles we're going through. I have a wonderful mom who supports me and is truly a dear friend. I also have an incredible circle of friends (near and far) who remind me to find time to live and enjoy life. I look forward to spending time with all these wonderful people in the next few weeks to celebrate my birthday. So, come on 40...bring it on! ;)