A touchy subject...

What would you want done to save/extend your life it you were to end up in a situation where you were unable to talk or speak for yourself? Would you want to be resuscitated? Would you want a machine to breathe or pump blood for you? Would you want liquefied food forced into your stomach by a tube down your throat? Would you want a stranger's blood put into your veins? We all know this is a touchy subject, but it is one that must be discussed. Yes, it's a difficult conversation to have, but such an important one. My grandmother is in a skilled nursing facility. Her little 68 lb body is failing her. Her vitals are good one day and terrible the next. I get phone calls on a daily basis from doctors and nurses updating me on her status. And the questions are rolling in one by one....should they do a blood transfusion, hook up oxygen, etc. etc. My grandparents were wise and prepared Advance Care Directives....yes, it was a blessing they did this. We know what their wishes are and how to carry them out. But there are details that need to be sorted out regardless. Do not resuscitate...that is a specific request. But what about oxygen? Blood transfusion? Feeding tube? They are difficult decisions to be made, it has not been easy at all. On the one hand, she is feisty...a fighter. But on the other hand, she is frail, 98 years old and has lost her will to live. I have the peace of mind knowing my husband and I have had these discussions...there isn't much doubt to what either of us would want if we were in this situation. My dear Auntie who passed away in June had discussed not wanting life support at dinner the night she ended up in the hospital unconscious. What a comfort for her family to decide what to do when given the difficult decision to make about whether or not to keep her on life support. It's almost as if she knew something might be happening to her. Eerie, but a blessing in disguise. I suppose this is similar to the debate of when life begins, as far as being for or against abortion. What constitutes as life support? We all need oxygen, nutrients, water...but what about pain relief? My main concern is that my grandmother is not in pain. She tells us she is not (when she is coherent). That brings me peace. For myself, I would want to go when it's my time, without machines and tubes, but in comfort and peace. And yes, I need to put this all in writing (like here on my blog) and I have expressed these wishes. My advice to my friends is to discuss this....death is a part of life, it's inevitable. But shouldn't we be able to direct those we love in a way to fulfill our last wishes? Like pre-planning a funeral, or at least discussing with someone what you want done with your body/remains.And it is best to have it put in writing so those we leave behind are not in doubt.  Maybe the years of working in the funeral industry has "hardened" me off on the subject of death and dying, but it's easier to enjoy life and living knowing your wishes are known and will be carried out. And knowing it will be easier for the ones we leave behind to cope and recover from the loss of someone they loved. And that is my wish for all who read, my friends, family and even strangers who take the time to read my thoughts...discuss your wishes :)

Love came scratching at my door...

Sunday July 1st was like any other Sunday...quiet at home, sunny outside. A friend and her husband had stopped by to eat lunch while their kids were at Kung Fu practice. We had a nice, quick visit out on the patio in the shade. A couple hours after they left, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner...spaghetti. As I stood at the stove to drain the spaghetti, I noticed a flash of black jump up on the kitchen porch and sit next to the door. At first glance I thought it was our cat Murphy til it dawned on me, Murphy is not solid black. I yelled, "Hey, who are you?", thinking it was a stray cat. To my surprise, the little critter turned around, scratched at the door and barked at me...it was a puppy, an adorable black/brown (dark chocolate) lab. I yelled for Mark to come to the kitchen, opened the door and invited the visitor in. At first he semi growled and barked but then inched his way into the house (piddling urine on the floor, of course). I picked him up and was greeted with licks and sad puppy dog eyes. It was love at first sight! :) We immediately looked around the neighborhood for anyone searching for a dog. There were no posters, signs, etc. I checked websites, Craig's List, but nothing. I posted announcements and waited 10 days, but no claimers. We took "Buster" the Lab to be checked for a microchip and was told he did not have one. We were then offered a free health check up. We were officially parents of a healthy 17.8 lb 3 1/2 month old Lab mix. He is spunky, affectionate and as sweet as can be. On a day I was truly missing my Auntie (her birthday is July 4th) it was like he was sent from wherever he came from to comfort us and give us something to love. He even resembles George, the lab mix Hiroko had years ago, who she lost when her and her then boyfriend broke up. She adored that dog and was saddened when he was shipped away to live on a farm in Japan.

Luci, our cocker spaniel, had passed in April of 2007. Mark and I had discussed getting another dog, but felt we weren't ready nor was the house with 2 cats and an ailing grandmother. With grandma safely placed in a care facility, it was the ideal time to give dog ownership another try. We brought out our previous dog's toys and bedding, which Buster immediately took to as his own. The cats have put him in his place, hissing and swatting at him when he gets to close or bothersome. He knows this is their house and he is merely a new sibling/addition. And although I forgot how much work a puppy can be, he is a joy to have around the house. He gives us a reason to get up early for potty breaks and it has been easy to settle into a routine for dinner and nap times. I am fortunate to be able to be home most of the time to help ease him into house training. He did attempt escape the first time left alone for an extended period of time...by scratching out the kitchen window screen and jumping to freedom. However, when we returned home and entered the house, he heard the door close and came running to the front door to be let in. And this past Wednesday, we were expecting chaos when we got home from an 8 hour day at chemo treatment, but my loving mom came by to "babysit" with Buster. We were thrilled to find the kitchen was not destroyed and my mom and Buster napping out on the patio. I have already learned a few things...puppy teeth hurt, steam cleaners are a miracle when it comes to potty accidents on carpet, never buy dog food or treats with "cartoon dogs" on the labels and a loving pet can mend a broken heart. The pain of losing a loved one is something that can take a lot of time to heal, BUT the unconditional love of a little critter who will sleep by your side all night (while slowing nudging you off to one side of the bed...a California King sized bed, mind you!), lick your face and hands when he wants to show love, and give you the opportunity to love something and care for it from the moment you wake up in the morning til the time you lay down for sleep...all of these things give your the opportunity to heal your pains and allow you to smile again. That's what happens when love comes scratching at your door. :)