How do you know?

Last night I spent 2 1/2 hours in the ER waiting room after my grams fell and bumped her head. Luckily, Mark and I were home (although we had talked about going out of town for an escape) and got to her just after the fall. There was a good amount of blood loss. The paramedics were kind and after explaining to them how stubborn grams can be (despite how much she insisted she could walk) lifted and carried her out to the front porch where a gurney was waiting. Our wonderfully designed ancient house has narrow hallways with sharp turns, making wheelchair and gurney maneuvering impossible! This is grams 3rd fall incident in 3 months. She blames everything and everyone for her ailments. From the "God Damned Doctors" and "stupid medications" to furniture and doorways. Never once does she blame herself for not hydrating enough during the day...she drinks all of 3 small caffeinated cups of tea total for the day. Nor does she think about the fact that she takes Vicodin, which she has had bad reaction to in the past. Her excuse? "Well, I thought maybe this time it would be different." So, at what point is it that a caretaker knows when it's time to hand over a patient to professionals? How do you convince someone they are no longer able to take care of themselves and you are no longer able to give them the type of care they want/need? How do you know? If it's when you're functioning on 3-4 hours of sleep at night, crankier than the worst PMS-ing bitch in the world, worrying every time you leave the house that you'll come home to either a dead person or a burnt down pile of rubble, and suffering through sciatic nerve pain because you don't want to take strong meds that make you drowsy..I am waaaaaay past that point. How does one justify not following through to a dying wish from your grandfather to please take care of his wife of 70 years for them when they're gone? How do you step up and decide to "send someone away" against their will? How? I've had to make difficult decisions in my life...quitting a job I love to take on other obligations, putting down a sick animal to end it's suffering. It is so much easier to take the quick way out of a situation...pay someone else to do it, let someone else take care of it. But what about the internal battle your conscience is having with your sanity? The devil on one shoulder fighting with the angel on the other? Listening to reason rather than your heart? That is something I will soon have to figure out. Comments are welcome!! I need all the support/input I can get this time!

A Thief Among Us

This morning, as I lay in bed....sound asleep after a late night of chatting on line with friends, I was rudely awaken by the sound of concrete shattering on the ground near my driveway. I jumped up out of bed as I heard a truck barrel down the street, but was not able to see anything through the windows. Mark got up and went outside to see one of our beautfiul 20+ year old succulents and it's pot smashed on the ground of our driveway...apparently a victim of an attempted theft. Who in the world steals a potted plant at 4 in the morning in Monterey Park? Several months ago an black, rought iron pagoda deocration (broken with a missing foot) disappeared from our yard....we assume one of the local "metal collectors" who scavenge our neighborhood on Tuesdays, the day before trash day, spotted it out. The disappointing thing is it was my grandfathers...it was very old and it can never be replaced. All for a few bucks at the metal recycle center. And now the concrete pot that held the succulent is shattered and in the garbage can. It too cannot be replaced, being bought probably some 30 years ago from a neighbor/friend who is long gone. It's not the first time things have been taken from my or my family. Sad to say, it's most definitely not the last either. The first Christmas after my dad passed away, my mom made a beautiful wreath out of tree trimmings...all decked out with some of our ornaments, ribbons/bows and pine cones. We took it to my dad's grave...it lasted less than a day. Hours later, when a relative went to visit dad's grave, it was gone...probably at someone's house decorating their front door or hallway. Bad karma to anyone who steals from a grave! And my mom has had potted plants disappear from her front porch...usually around Mother's Day. Double bad karma/bachi for giving your mom/grandma something that is stolen!! So Mark spent the morning moving our other potted plants to the back yard where they will only be admired by us and those invited to our yard. It is sad to think your own neighborhood is not safe enough to place plant life in your own yard and not have to worry about bolting it down to the foundation. What's next? My wind chimes on the porch? The chair and table we have on the porch for rest and relaxation? Will I have to start unhooking the watering hose and bring it indoors every night or lock it up in the garage? I guess I should be thankful it wasn't something of extreme value like a car, TV or pet, but it still gives me an uneasy feeling that someone has the nerve to come into my yard and take something. Like my grandfather used to say, "God dang it, what is this world coming to?"