Try new things

Trying new things can be terrific. I've traditionally been a stickler for doing what's familiar and comfortable. But I've gotten in touch a more adventurous side and am starting to broaden my horizons so to speak. I tried a few Philippine dishes and have rediscovered an old favorite, pancit...I'm on the search now for some great lumpias...and discovered I really like chicken adobo. I will be attempting to mimic the dish very soon. I am finding new recipes on line to dabble in. Pinterest, I love you! I am trying new flowers and vegetables in my garden. I recently planted a lilac sapling, which is doing great. I cannot wait to have enough flowering branches to cut and enjoy in the house. I also planted some gerbera daisies...not so great. This season I am going to try some new varieties of tomatoes and mayhaps some different strawberry varieties. I am on the hunt for white strawberries...they are white fleshed with red seeds and have a pineapple flavor. I've got my eye on some raspberry and blackberry saplings to add to my collection. I am trying new approaches to meeting new people, on and off line. Being a little more open and less shy. It has been an adventure to say the least, but I have been fortunate to meet more nice guys than the weirdoes this time around. The continued encouragement of friends has been great. Just today, a dear friend said, "I give you credit for putting yourself out there. If it were me, I'd just say 'Fuck it all.' You're brave. You go girl." And I am trying new things in my physical life...I started hiking again and walking the canine kids, which has brought me both inner and outer strength. My legs feel stronger and I have more energy during the day, not to mention very happy doggies. I am continuing to go to the gym with mom, but instead of marching in place on the recovery boards (Curves terminology) I have been running in place. I feel the burn by the end of my 30 minute workout and I actually sweat. I have a wonderful friend who is teaching me to deal with trust issues and I am learning how to find deep relaxation and inner peace. Sounds silly, but sometimes we need physical reminders to get in the right mind frame to truly relax and let go. Sort of like acupuncture...the physical discomfort results in endorphins that surpass the initial "pain". Endorphins are awesome! My next new thing I want to try is a tattoo...I know, I've been saying it for so long. But I really do want to get one. The type I'm interested apparently is not legal in the US (glow in the dark), so I'll have to wait on that...but something colorful, unique and me--that's what I want to do. My latest obsession is Dexter...but that is coming to an end. Next up is House of Cards :) Of course, there are some things on the bucket list I would still like to cross off...Ones I can mention would be a hot air balloon ride, sleeping under the stars, staying at the Madonna Inn (I know, super cheesy but something I have to do), singing in public and having a themed wedding. Yeah, some are far fetched, but hey...gotta put it out there. AND I'm determined to find more time to write. Someone has highly suggested I put together a collection of my short stories...my "special" short stories. We shall see if that comes to fruition. He told me I'd make Anais Nin proud ;)

Finding peace

Recently, an important relationship in my life ended. Although it was not a lengthy one, it was an important part of my life that impacted me. For the first time in a long time, I felt happiness and love again. While I am sad to see it end, I am hopeful for a continued friendship with someone who brought so much into my life when I needed it most. The following day, I attended a memorial service for a dear family friend...Dan or "Big Red". It was a paddle out tribute at Huntington Beach...a perfect day with clear skies, a bright sun shining and peaceful waves in the sea. A wonderful life tribute unfolded before my eyes...surfer friends out on their boards to scatter Dan's remains in the sea...Flowers leis were worn and roses were handed out to attendees to toss out to sea from the pier. Dan's family, fiancée and friends gathered to share stories and celebrate a life. Although short by all means, it was a life lived to it's fullest. Dan enjoyed life and lived life. It was obvious how many people he had touched with his fun spirit, zest for life and laugh out loud attitude. Strangers on the pier approached and respectfully asked if they could stand and watch this beautiful tribute. It was touching to hear parents explain to their young children what was going on. And as I stood there on the pier, listening and watching everything going on around me, I found peace. I forgot how much the beach brings peace to my heart and soul...it had been so long since I spent time on the sand, salty breeze blowing through my hair, the warm sun gently kissing my skin. The sound of seagulls overhead and the tide gently rolling in and out. After spending a night crying for a loss of my own, the end of something I was not ready to see end...this beautiful day out helped me find peace in my heart. To be thankful for the time the relationship lasted, all the lessons learned and how I will grow and be stronger because of it. Most importantly, I learned I can love again, let someone love me, and be close to someone without fear of being hurt. That is such a giant step for someone with trust issues. I believe people come into our lives when we need them for a reason. Mayhaps (a new phrase a dear friend has taught me) we are not meant to have a specific relationship at a specific time...and love isn't always meant for a lifetime...but we are meant to have that person in our life, in some way. Over time, the hurt will go away and be replaced with love and happiness. And in the end, I will cherish a friendship with someone I love and care for in exchange for not being together. I have already learned I am capable of trusting someone more than I ever thought I could. In exchange, I received trust and respect beyond my expectations. I learned to accept myself for who I am and to smile when I see my reflection in the mirror. Most importantly, I learned to love myself...And that brings peace to my soul.

My Favorite Things...

Canine snuggles when I need them most. The smell of fresh carnations, fragrant roses or gardenias. The taste of a perfectly vine ripened tomato or strawberry picked fresh. The first nervous kiss when you meet someone new or the passionate "I've missed you so much" kiss from someone you love. Baking on a cold morning. Gardening in springtime. Hummingbirds when they land to take a rest. A phone call from a lover telling you they miss you in every way imaginable. Feeling like a schoolgirl when you hug your childhood crush. The smell of fresh celery, which reminds me of going to the produce market with my grandpa when I was 5. Hearing an old friend's voice and seeing their lovely face after 20+ years. Listening to music when I'm sad. The feeling of being loved by someone I truly care about. Finding that perfect gift for someone. Receiving that perfect gift from someone. A comfy, happy home. Buttered sourdough toast. Beautiful, colorful flowers in the garden. Shoes that fit. A lovely, well made purse. The look on the dogs' faces when they bring you a toy to play fetch. A baby's laugh and smile. That perfect song where you have no choice but to get up and dance. Being surrounded by happy friends. Snuggling with someone I love. Chilly, fog filled mornings. Ice cold water on a hot summer day. Homemade bread. Making spaghetti and meatballs from scratch. Falling in love. Passion. Road trips with friends. Back massages...giving and receiving. The soft whisper of "I love you" in my ear. Cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles. A nice chilled glass of sweet wine. Finding money in my pants pocket. Late night walks, holding hands...under a clear, star filled sky. Hugs that say more than words could ever describe. Hugs that lift me up in the air. Flannel sheets in the winter, satin sheets in the summer. Perfect hair days. Bras that fit and do their job. Getting home from a long day and kicking off my shoes and taking off my bra. Brand new scissors and knives. Scented soaps and lotions. The perfect shade of lipstick. Manicures that last. A stranger smiling and saying hello. Wagging dog tails and tilted dog heads when you talk to them. Hand written letters, sending and receiving. Surprise visits from a lover. Flowers, just because. French fries when I'm PMSing. Chocolate when I'm PMSing. Relaxing in the patio on a warm summer night. Long, hot bubble baths by candlelight. Being creative. Being loved and respected. Laughing so hard it hurts. Giggles over an inside joke. Bringing comfort and peace to someone at their time of need. Finding something positive in every situation. Discovering a new favorite food/dish. Learning to love and respect myself.