Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Finding peace
Recently, an important relationship in my life ended. Although it was not a lengthy one, it was an important part of my life that impacted me. For the first time in a long time, I felt happiness and love again. While I am sad to see it end, I am hopeful for a continued friendship with someone who brought so much into my life when I needed it most. The following day, I attended a memorial service for a dear family friend...Dan or "Big Red". It was a paddle out tribute at Huntington Beach...a perfect day with clear skies, a bright sun shining and peaceful waves in the sea. A wonderful life tribute unfolded before my eyes...surfer friends out on their boards to scatter Dan's remains in the sea...Flowers leis were worn and roses were handed out to attendees to toss out to sea from the pier. Dan's family, fiancée and friends gathered to share stories and celebrate a life. Although short by all means, it was a life lived to it's fullest. Dan enjoyed life and lived life. It was obvious how many people he had touched with his fun spirit, zest for life and laugh out loud attitude. Strangers on the pier approached and respectfully asked if they could stand and watch this beautiful tribute. It was touching to hear parents explain to their young children what was going on. And as I stood there on the pier, listening and watching everything going on around me, I found peace. I forgot how much the beach brings peace to my heart and soul...it had been so long since I spent time on the sand, salty breeze blowing through my hair, the warm sun gently kissing my skin. The sound of seagulls overhead and the tide gently rolling in and out. After spending a night crying for a loss of my own, the end of something I was not ready to see end...this beautiful day out helped me find peace in my heart. To be thankful for the time the relationship lasted, all the lessons learned and how I will grow and be stronger because of it. Most importantly, I learned I can love again, let someone love me, and be close to someone without fear of being hurt. That is such a giant step for someone with trust issues. I believe people come into our lives when we need them for a reason. Mayhaps (a new phrase a dear friend has taught me) we are not meant to have a specific relationship at a specific time...and love isn't always meant for a lifetime...but we are meant to have that person in our life, in some way. Over time, the hurt will go away and be replaced with love and happiness. And in the end, I will cherish a friendship with someone I love and care for in exchange for not being together. I have already learned I am capable of trusting someone more than I ever thought I could. In exchange, I received trust and respect beyond my expectations. I learned to accept myself for who I am and to smile when I see my reflection in the mirror. Most importantly, I learned to love myself...And that brings peace to my soul.
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