My EastCoast Mom

Two nights ago, I logged on my social media and saw a post from my father in law...he wrote that he his wife and best friend had passed. My heart stopped. I re-read the post several times. I immediately text him to call me. He did. I hesitated to answer, trying to get myself together and brace myself for a hurtful conversation. He explained to me she had been sick since last fall. He described the illnesses she fought and how eventually, she lost her battle. I cried. I felt my heart break. A part of me wanted to crawl through the phone line and give my "dad" a hug. The pain and grief I had gone through for Mark was all coming back again. I told dad I was here for him and to call me if he needed anything. He told me he felt lost. All the habits of daily life were for two of them. Now, he would have to face them alone. The trips out to dinner. The visits to their "winter" house. Tending to the garden. Sitting and reading in the living room. I cried. It didn't seem fair for someone to lose their child and then lose their spouse.

I remembered the sadness and emptiness I felt the first night I slept alone in the house. The first time I had to refer to myself as "widowed" or had to refer to Mark as "deceased". It cut deep in my soul. I know dad will have to have many of those firsts. The hardest part was when I started to sort through Mark's belongings. What to keep. What to give away. It took months, years. I remember having David help me go through a few boxes last summer. I had to stop because I had a melt down when I opened a box and saw the Christmas stockings I had made with our names. There in big letters "Jenn" and "Mark". I can only imagine how difficult the holidays will be for dad.

Next phase was the guilt. I had backed off in my relationship with my in laws because I felt like I had lost them when I lost Mark. I was starting a new life, especially once I met David. I felt it would be hurtful to share that life with them. I kept in touch, but I was distant. Last year I had wondered why a holiday card only had a brief signature and no greeting. Why Mother's and Father's Day greetings were not acknowledged. Now I know why. They hadn't reached out. I hadn't reached out. No fault of one person or another. But now, I've lost the opportunity to say I love you to my East Coast Mom.

Doris was a wonderful woman. She was funny, spunky and feisty. She was the one who first referred to herself as East Coast Mom. She had a way to make you smile and laugh. The first time I met her, we instantly bonded. She shared stories about dad and Mark. She shared recipes, photos and made me feel like a daughter. On my wedding day, she jokingly told me she was cursing us with triplets. I told her I would make sure they were bratty when I sent them to her house. She immediately said, "My house has 4 corners to every room. One for each bratty kid and one for their mom!!" Her quick wit and charm were what made her a fun person to be around. She was a great cook and an avid gardener. She dedicated a lifetime of work as a nurse. She loved to read and shop. There were always stops at bookstores and shopping malls in our visits to Connecticut and South Carolina.

My hope is that she knew how much she meant to me. I will miss her smile that brightened up a room. Her contagious laugh that made everyone happy. Her insight she shared with me about men, marriage and life in general. Her love of her family and friends. I love you, Doris. Say hi to Mark for me. See you again, someday.