I miss him...

So, the service was a week ago...he's been gone just over 3 weeks....I miss him. I miss the sounds in the house of another person being here. Little things like a door opening and closing, dishes being placed on a counter or in the sink. The wrapper of a candy crinkling. His cough. His laugh. His voice. I just miss him. It's amazing how much we don't realize one person impacts our life until they are no longer there. And the dogs miss him...Buster is more clingy to me than ever. And Saydee is venting her frustrations out on Buster. I've had to do the dreaded phone calling, faxing and letter writing to let companies such as the banks, credit cards, cell provider, etc. know he is gone. It's tough. The weirdest part of it all is being away from the house and not having the feeling of needing to get home...whether it be to make lunch for him, get him to an appointment or just to be with him. I find myself liking to be away from home more and more. And I know it's a coping mechanism...but I also love to be home where I can sometimes feel his spirit around, like he's watching over me. It seems like I notice more and more butterflies and hummingbirds in the yard lately. Yet another reminder that he is around. Or when I turn on the tv and his favorite movie or show is on...or the radio plays a song that reminds me of him. There are days I think I cannot go on without him but I remind myself how lucky we were to have what we had and it gives me strength to move on and live life. Because that's what he wanted for me. And in these times of sadness, loneliness and darkness, I have learned who my friends are...who has love in their hearts for me. My very best friend, who put his heart and soul into expressing words that made Mark's tribute a wonderful and beautiful thing. My dear mom, who stayed up so many nights to make sure I was okay. My gals, who came by with food and made sure I was eating and taking care of myself...and made sure I laughed and knew I was loved and will never be alone. My special male honorary "girlfriend", who brought over food, took care of my yard and fed the masses even when he couldn't join in. The mother and son team, who helped me plan Mark's tribute and prepared gorgeous flowers to bring sunshine and cheer to his special day. My cousin, who lovingly polished and cleaned Mark's bike to make it look its best at the service. My uncle, who was a most gracious host for the family dinner. Wonderful food and entertainment. The neighbors who have stopped by to ask if I need anything and have brought food, flowers and companionship as if we were family. I don't know how I could have gotten through these days/weeks without them all, not forgetting to note the many other friends who have come by to visit, brought flowers, food, booze and sent cards, letters and just in general have made me feel loved. I don't feel alone, nor will I ever with people like that in my life. And although a huge part of my life is gone, there is no void in my life because I have so much that remains. I love you all. I miss him, but you've all made it easier.