"To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn't winning and it isn't losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear. It's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It's not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, and overcome and move on. It's having an open mind and... confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It's learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's all about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon have again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It's realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path to set you free."
So, I sit here at the computer (wiping away the tears) as I contemplate what these words mean to me and how they make me feel. I have made many changes since Mark passed...the house is different. It is more "me" now, my little touches are in each room. Some of the pictures that were taken down for the memorial service were never put back up on the walls. Most of his things have been gone through and given to those I felt would appreciate them and make good use of them. But there are so many things around that will always remind everyone who enters my home of him. The patio shows his handy work, as does the yard. I had a contractor come by today to help redesign the kitchen. I asked him not to touch the laundry area sink because it is one of the first projects Mark completed when we moved into this house. His urn and the memorial lamp with dried flowers from his service are lovingly placed in what was once our bedroom. So, although I am going on with my life I have not forgotten the wonderful life we did share, but I have began to let go. And I have realized that letting to is not about forgetting. It's about accepting what is and was, and allowing yourself to grow and move on. And the words contained in the above quote truly express how I feel. I have been given the opportunity to pursue love and happiness...and I'm taking it. I have always been protective of my heart and weary of being hurt. But I learned from my life with Mark that even when you do feel safe and loved, life can still hurt your heart with the events it throws at you. And to sit back and let opportunities pass you because you fear that pain and heartache again isn't living. I am choosing to live my life, not be a spectator. I'm putting myself out there and taking the risk of being hurt in hopes that I have found a good man and will have that second chance of love and living a happy life. I will allow him a chance to win my heart and prove himself worthy of the love I have to give. Maybe I am a fool but you never know if you don't take that chance. Mark taught me that life is precious and too short to be safe and cautious all the time. What's the use of having time, material things and feelings if you don't share them all with someone? I will end this with another quote, one of my favorites of all time..."I'd rather have a life of 'Oh wells' than a life of 'What ifs'"
So, I sit here at the computer (wiping away the tears) as I contemplate what these words mean to me and how they make me feel. I have made many changes since Mark passed...the house is different. It is more "me" now, my little touches are in each room. Some of the pictures that were taken down for the memorial service were never put back up on the walls. Most of his things have been gone through and given to those I felt would appreciate them and make good use of them. But there are so many things around that will always remind everyone who enters my home of him. The patio shows his handy work, as does the yard. I had a contractor come by today to help redesign the kitchen. I asked him not to touch the laundry area sink because it is one of the first projects Mark completed when we moved into this house. His urn and the memorial lamp with dried flowers from his service are lovingly placed in what was once our bedroom. So, although I am going on with my life I have not forgotten the wonderful life we did share, but I have began to let go. And I have realized that letting to is not about forgetting. It's about accepting what is and was, and allowing yourself to grow and move on. And the words contained in the above quote truly express how I feel. I have been given the opportunity to pursue love and happiness...and I'm taking it. I have always been protective of my heart and weary of being hurt. But I learned from my life with Mark that even when you do feel safe and loved, life can still hurt your heart with the events it throws at you. And to sit back and let opportunities pass you because you fear that pain and heartache again isn't living. I am choosing to live my life, not be a spectator. I'm putting myself out there and taking the risk of being hurt in hopes that I have found a good man and will have that second chance of love and living a happy life. I will allow him a chance to win my heart and prove himself worthy of the love I have to give. Maybe I am a fool but you never know if you don't take that chance. Mark taught me that life is precious and too short to be safe and cautious all the time. What's the use of having time, material things and feelings if you don't share them all with someone? I will end this with another quote, one of my favorites of all time..."I'd rather have a life of 'Oh wells' than a life of 'What ifs'"
I think you are a very strong woman and moving forward in life is as it should be. I lost my husband from cancer in February and I find myself in limbo. I can't seem to let go of my old life, although there is nothing left of it, and I can't move into my new life because in that life I only find loneliness. So I go on, breathing in and out, but never being able to catch my breath. I know my husband would not want me to be sad and the last thing he said to me was "be strong," but I can't find it in me to do that. One of your friends introduced me to your blog and I find comfort in reading it, knowing that I'm not the only one who lost someone who had so much to live for. Thank you.
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